Relationship cowardice has reached an all-time low with the creation of a break-up service called iDump4U. Ball-less wonders everywhere no longer have to use methods like passively-aggressively changing their facebook relationship statuses to single to dump their significant others — they can now hire someone to call their current partner to dump them on their behalf for a mere $10.
That’s right, iDump4U’s Bradley Laborman has literally made it his business to play the middleman by personally calling the dumpee to let them know their significant other is breaking up with them. Bradley also lets the dumpee know why they’re being dumped, a part of the service Bradley considers to be a dose of (unprofessional) therapy. “Do you want to lie your way into a breakup, only to leave the person vulnerable to make the same mistakes twice?” Bradley asks on the site’s About page. “Or do you want to educate them on why you broke up with them, so that they can change those personality traits that drove you away?”
While I can see the twisted logic behind that, I really don’t think anyone’s learning anything about how to do better the next time by having a stranger call them to tell them their boyfriend is breaking up with them because they’re a “super bitch” (from the recording of Dillon Dumping Ivory).
Not surprisingly, many of Bradley’s calls are just plain sad. Take the recording of Morgan dumping Drew (embedded below). The two were high school sweethearts, and while Morgan left their hometown for college, Drew stayed behind because he didn’t feel college was the right option for him. While he made plans to propose to Morgan during her Thanksgiving break, Morgan had Bradley call Drew to tell him she had met someone else and didn’t want to speak to him anymore. Drew, of course, is heartbroken, and by Bradley’s sigh in the last second of the recording, you could tell it wasn’t an easy call for him:
Other calls, on the other hand, are exceptionally hard not to laugh at. Take this recording of Chelle dumping Marco (embedded below). At first, Bradley does his best to be tactful about Chelle’s reason for dumping Marco, but he soon realizes he needs to just spell it out for the guy that Chelle’s leaving him because she thinks he’s gay. Marco doesn’t help matters by saying, “so what if [my male friends] come over and have slumber parties?” to which Bradley responds (appropriately, I might add), “Did you say slumber parties?! … Are you 13?”
iDump4u offers other services as well: for $25, Bradley will end an engagement, and for a whopping $50, Bradley will initiate a divorce. A small fee for such a costly phone call.